Dearest Blog Viewers,
It is now complaint time. I ordered a chinese, and what did I get delivered? A chinese. It was nice. Its a pity it was all a dream though, so I'm writing to the food board, Board Bia I'm pretty sure is what they call themselves, that ugly girl is in charge of it, I don't care to remember her name, but anyway I'm writing to them to complain about me not getting my chinese. This is just not right, this is the 21st century [I think, it could be the 20th, I never care], and if I want a chinese, I should have a chinese!
Anyway, the plumber came and told me he couldn't open the wardrobe to let me out of Narnia. He said he wasn't qualified to do it. What. the. hell. Why would I call a plumber unless I needed him to do something?! If I wanted my toilet to be cleaned like he suggested, I'd have bought that person from the 'Cillit Bang' advert on television, he seems like the 'toilet-cleaner' type of guy. Don't you agree?
'Bang and the dirt is gone'. No, The dirt is not gone. You got a new shirt. I saw you. DON'T DENY IT.
So I hear Ronan Keating and his wife thing are getting re-married. No 'The Irish Sun', I don't care if the 4 year old is marrying his sweeping brush. If I wanted to know about that, I'd have bought 'The Irish We Have No News To Print'. Please refrain from filling me in on Ronan Keating's life from here-forth.
On a happy note, I got my period today, but I used that Tampax Pearl from the advert on television, and you know what happened? A woman appeared in front of me and told me she invented pearls. I got an awful shock so just told her to get the hell out of my house or I'd call the guards.
xox, Gossip Girl. [No I'm kidding, its only me, Noel the Elf/Gnome creature, don't be to upset though, at least I won't post a blog about you being pregnant.].